and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
