That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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