he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
