think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
