I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
