As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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