i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
