What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
