Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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