There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize