I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
