I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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