There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
