I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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