Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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