she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize