I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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