Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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