He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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