Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
