I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
