i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
