I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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