That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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