the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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