FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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