Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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