Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
