I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
