guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
