This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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