idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
