just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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