This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
