how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
