My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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