sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize