don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize