You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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