And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
