This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
