I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize