My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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