I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
