there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
