No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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