You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
