Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My penis needs a shock collar
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
