Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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