Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
