I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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