i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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