I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
