I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Please, let me fuck your mom
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize