this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
