Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
