I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
