I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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