Reggie can tackle my bush.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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