I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
