i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
