My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
