i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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