My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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